Riding the Dynamic Song of My Heart

 Art by Thomas Bower: qthomasbower 

Today, I feel like writing. I don't always. Sometimes I feel like painting... and do so, a bit at a time, day after day. Sometimes I feel like gardening... and I dig, and plant, and weed, and sow. Sometimes I feel like cooking... and I try new recipes, and make homemade this and that, and make desserts to my family's pleasure! Sometimes I feel like doing nothing... which is difficult to actualize.  My point is that I am somewhat erratic. 


I watch and admire people who are more even-keeled. You know who I'm talking about (maybe you are one of them)–the people who are slow and steady, consistent and steadfast in their endeavors. Day after day, they build upon a common life theme. Maybe they are poets, or painters, or healers, or professors–it doesn't matter what they do, it is the fact that they do it consistently, day after day, heading into the same wind. I, on the other hand, tack into the winds of my desire. And those desires are vast and various–some completely unrelated. I am somewhat a "jack of all trades, master of none."


It's not just the way I express myself creatively either. It is the way of my being. My thoughts about situations can change suddenly. Sometimes I am hesitant to give my opinion because I know I may feel differently in an hour. Sometimes I like to socialize a lot: I will arrange play dates, visit with friends, host potlucks, go to fairs and community events. Sometimes I like to hide away with my family and go to sleep early, and talk to no one for weeks. I know for my friends it must be confusing. Sometimes I stay on top of housework, and sometimes I just... let... it... gooooooo!!!


I like to try new things, and experience new challenges, and meet different people, and learn new techniques. I get bored by the "same old same old." I am an explorer, an adventurer. 


There is a benefit to this modge-podge style I exude. Sometimes I am able to synthesize methods or ideas, and see situations or problems in novel ways.


I realize to some it may sound like I am non-commital, but that is not true. When I am engulfed in something I am fully present and committed. However, when the creative well runs dry, or I begin to get annoyed, or am "tapped-out" in some way, I simply let go and find something else that fills me up. Is that a bad thing? Perhaps I am not tenacious enough? Perhaps I should be more disciplined? I don't know.


What I do know is that if something is sucking the life out of me, I let it go; I give into the flow; I find the path of least resistance that brings me to joy.  Up to this point, I have not been able to reconcile clinging to one "thing" consistently. Instead I dabble here and there: paint for a while, read for a while, clean for a while, write for a while. 


The drafts of my life are dynamic... which is sometimes refreshing, sometimes exhausting, and always uncertain. If my life had a sound track it would be full of jazz riffs. 


I guess this diversification of skill sets means it will take me longer to master any one thing (or several of them), but that's ok, right? I can ride on the dynamic song of my heart and see where it leads... today it led to writing, so I did. Tomorrow, who knows? 


Any thoughts or suggestions? Please share! 


"Rhythm is the basis of life, not steady forward progress. The forces of creation, destruction, and preservation have a whirling, dynamic interaction." ~ from the Kabbalah


"Growth is an erratic forward movement: two steps forward, one step back. Remember that and be very gentle with yourself." ~Julia Cameron


"A jazz beat is a dynamic changing rhythm." ~Ken Burns

"Vow to be valiant;

Resolve to be radiant;

Determine to be dynamic;

Strive to be sincere;

Aspire to be attuned."  ~William Arthur Ward