Today I felt like crying and I was not sure why. I was target practice for my own negative thoughts. Upon reflection I realized an unresolved resentment had sprung up this weekend towards someone whom I have consistently felt dislike towards. I began comparing myself to this person, measuring their outsides to my insides. If you have ever gone through this dance, you know it does not end well. Needless to say, by the end of the day I was feeling horrible about myself.
And then I went to yoga.
As I walked into the studio today I looked forward to turn my attention to my body and away from my thoughts. At the beginning of class the instructor sat in the front of the room and announced that we would be doing inversions.
My heart dropped. I nearly began to cry. I am not a fan of upside down poses. To me, inversions remind me of my own physical imperfections... something about the way gravity and my figure interact makes me cringe.
After announcing the focus of this evenings class, she reminded us that we could offer up a prayer or dedicate our practice to someone. I knew what I needed to pray about: finding self-love.
I gave myself to the practice this evening. Trusting the universe's guidance I stayed in the inversion class this evening, despite my apprehensions. Heeding the suggestion to offer a prayer up before the practice, I prayed to find self-love. Through acting as if a solution was going to appear I found the message I needed.
 |
| This is what the position looks like. It is a half handstand. |
This position gave me a new perspective physically, and through that I could see that I could find a new perspective mentally. I saw that although it may be awkward to forgive and love someone whose presence in my mind has tormented my thoughts, I could do it. Not only could I do it, but it could be enjoyable and even strengthening and invigorating, just like this pose.
Like so many lessons in my life, this one came through taking action. Though thinking is definitely part of the process, more often than not genuine transformation comes from taking action. The actions I need to take are not always obvious or comfortable; often they require following through on difficult tasks or awkward moments. I did not need to say anything to the person I had a resentment towards, nor did I just tell myself I loved myself. I did find love for myself tonight by doing something outside of my comfort zone though, and through action I received the message I needed.
By choosing to do something differently, taking a chance, making ourselves vulnerable by trying something new, we act as if a solution will come to us, and by doing so, it will because we are putting our faith in a power greater than ourselves. Sometimes we are tempted to try and think our way out of our problems: we read positive literature, say affirmations, say we know we should think differently, etc. While these are wonderful tools, they are not what makes changes in our lives, or our thinking. Actions make changes.
By allowing ourselves to embrace new experiences, and risk new challenges we are able to release old habits and beliefs that no longer serves us. We are able to shed the skin that no longer fits and replace it with a fresh new way of being, until the season changes again and we find ourselves cycling through another spiral of growth.
"Snake took the old human into his care. And through the weeks ahead, taught him to sleep like a snake and peel his skin off. From then on when the man felt his time coming to an end, he would just go to sleep and peel his skin off. And he was happy and no longer afraid." ~Kay Cordelia Whitaker from The Reluctant Shaman
"...of course loss is the great lesson. But I also say this: that light is an invitation to happiness, and that happiness, when it's done right, is a kind of holiness, palpable and redemptive." ~Mary Oliver "Poppies"
"The snake that cannot shed its skin perishes. Likewise those spirits who are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be spirits." ~Friedrich Nietzsche
No comments:
Post a Comment